


Pen Pals

by knight_tracer, somnolentblue



Category: D.E.B.S. (2004)
Genre: Art, Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Epistolary, F/F, Female Friendship, Gen, Pen Pals, Podfic, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes, Post-Canon, Sound Effects, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 15:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1945803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight_tracer/pseuds/knight_tracer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/somnolentblue/pseuds/somnolentblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Amy and Max talk from a distance (and one time they talk in person).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pen Pals

**Author's Note:**

> A [pod together project](http://pod-together.dreamwidth.org). Podfic by [knight_tracer](http://knight_tracer.dreamwidth.org) and text by [somnolentblue](http://somnolentblue.dreamwidth.org). 
> 
> We'd like to thank [dapatty](http://dapatty.dreamwidth.org/) for art.
> 
> Author's notes: D.E.B.S.! Knight_tracer was willing to do a D.E.B.S. story with me! \o/ I had so much fun working on this, and I'd like to thank knight_tracer for being a blast to work with. Also, many thanks to [scintilla10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scintilla10/pseuds/scintilla10) for beta reading.
> 
> Podficcer's notes: I was SO happy to be able to create a D.E.B.S. fanwork (pod_together is awesome)! I definitely need to to thank somnolentblue for playing with me, I had an excellent time.
> 
> There are two points where the text is conveyed with a graphic. Text-only download (right-click, save-as): [mobi](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/Pen%20Pals%20mobi.mobi) | [epub](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/Pen%20Pals%20epub.epub) | [pdf](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/Pen%20Pals%20pdf.pdf) | [html](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/Pen%20Pals%20html.html).

  
[](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/pen%20pals%20cover.png)

Podfic Length: 17:55  
Podfic Download Links: [mp3](http://knight-tracer.parakaproductions.com/Podfic/Pen%20Pals.mp3) | [m4b](http://knight-tracer.parakaproductions.com/Podfic/Pen%20Pals.m4b) (Right-click, select 'save as')

**1\. Postcards and Craigslist**

**Las Vegas (postcard featuring Las Vegas Strip)**

[](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/viva%20las%20postcard.png)

Hi Max,

Honeymoon! Okay, we didn't actually exchange legal vows — Lucy should avoid Massachusetts for a while, and I haven't forgotten that you're supposed to do security for my wedding! :) — but that's a minor detail. We visited the Liberace Museum, and Lucy fell in love with his costumes and wants to know if she can borrow just one and set up a small shrine. Negotiations are on-going and rather vigorous. ;D (Quit fretting, she's just kidding.) 

Miss you! Glad you're not here!

-Amy

**Las Vegas (craigslist.lasvegas.com, missed connections, w4w)**

[](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/craigslist%20ad.png)

**Washington, D.C. (postcard from the Smithsonian featuring the Hope Diamond)**

[ ](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/postcard%2002%20washington%20dc.png)

Hi Max, 

Don't worry, be happy! (Everything's as good as new, I promise. But fyi the case has a slight weakness to bobby pins; you might want to address that. Also, blue's a *great* color on me.)

Miss you! Having a great time! 

-Amy

**Craigslist haiku forum**

Art student Amy,  
Visiting Smithsonian.  
I am not amused.

**Antarctica (photograph of penguins, writing in sharpie on back)**

[](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/photo%2001%20penguins.png)

I have a photography lab! It's amazing! I always wanted to try film photography, and Lucy built me a lab and commissioned everything I need! It'll be our summer home when we need to escape the heat. 

You should come by soon, we could have lunch. I've been hearing some really interesting things about the movement of phosphorescent plankton lately which may be relevant to your interests (and possibly Debs'). 

-Amy

**Barcelona (barcelona.en.craigslist.es, missed connections, w4w)**

[](http://pt-lightning.parakaproductions.com/pt2014%20blue%20knighttracer/craigslist%20ad%202%20barcelona.png)

* * *

**2\. Instant Messaging**

Secret Internal Messaging System (S.I.M.S.), 11:52 p.m. Greenwich Mean Time: 

MaximilianTheGreat: Really, Amy? We turn a blind eye to your little love tryst adventure, let *Lucy Diamond* get away even though she has active warrants in about twenty jurisdictions, and you can't even try to stay off the radar? I am not interfering in active investigations for you! The D.E.B.S. are staying away from you, but Interpol and the other alphabet agencies aren't. 

Amymesia: ????

MaximilianTheGreat: No. No you are not doing this to me. I did not bust my ass to get where I am, ignore Janet letting Scud in to tweak your records, and put up with Henry Fucking Jefferson's jerktastic comments about the D.E.B.S. and our ability to police our own and catch criminals to have you ignore me. Stop painting Lucy like one of Jack's French girls and pay attention. 

Amymesia: Hi! Sorry! I wasn't painting Lucy, btw. It's *late* here, bb, timezones are a thing! And I have an 8 am class, ugh dnw. Anyway, what's up? What did we do? 

MaximilianTheGreat: *You* didn't do anything, but your girlfriend is about to bring the hounds of hell down on you. Lucy *Skye*, Amy? Really? Could she be less subtle?

Amymesia: Hey, Maxie! To thy own self be true! I couldn't ignore my roots! 

MaximilianTheGreat: My. Name. Is. Not. Maxie. And you're not supposed to be on this channel, you're breaking yet another international statute, although I don't know why I even think you'd care. GO AWAY, Lucy. 

MaximilianTheGreat: Amy

MaximilianTheGreat: Amy

MaximilianTheGreat: AMY

Amymesia: Sorry, sorry. I got… distracted. 

MaximilianTheGreat: Uh-huh. Amy, code red, you need to pay attention because they're going to find you soon. Jefferson at Interpol is leading the search, and he's an overbearing JACKASS but he's not dumb. I know you just wanted to study art, but you can't keep doing it in Barcelona.

MaximilianTheGreat: Well, you can, but Lucy can't be there because she's about to get caught. 

Amymesia: Oh. 

Amymesia: Right, okay. 

Amymesia: Thanks for the heads up. I need to go now. 

MaximilianTheGreat: Keep me posted. 

MaximilianTheGreat: Amy? Hello? 

* * *

**3\. Mail**

[Hand-delivered to Max by Dominque, who had a standing lunch date with Janet, who had not-so-secret monthly rendezvous with Scud to play Settlers of Catan]

You're invited to the housewarming of Amy March and Lucy Pevensie on July 3rd at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. 

[Sent to Max's mother's house]

Dear Max,

Thanks so much for the crockpot! The super-special features are particularly intriguing, and I look forward to exploring their use in the future. The crockpot cookbooks Janet, Dominique, and Ayelet sent along were incredibly inspiring, and I know Lucy and I both appreciate that you had our domestic tranquility at heart. 

Scud did make some improvements, and in the process he irrevocably broke one of the features Janet added. He looked kind of proud (he is unduly invested in Janet going in for training in advanced appliance repair, which is ridiculous since she's the one doing the work), but we don't really need the remote control function. I know that integrated household electronics are the wave of the future, but I kind of like our retro vibe where you have to be on the ground to know things. 

Sincerely,  


Amy

[Sent to Max's house via FedEx]

Hi Max, 

I went to a great concert after dinner tonight! The pyrotechnics were phenomenal, and I haven't seen such realistic zombies since the Living Dead scenarios in our sophomore year. There's supposed to be an encore this weekend at Trafalgar Square before the band goes on an international tour. I think the overall vibe is supposed to be somewhere between that show we helped with our senior year (you know, our midterm that year, with the smoke and the loud noises and the really innovative prop weapons dept.) and the one that practically makes Ms. Petrie cry when she's really into the eggnog at the holiday parties.

Hope you can make it! It's totally worth the overnight flight and admission fee, and it would be a great date for you and Jefferson.

Amy

* * *

**4\. Email**

To: MaxInBoots@sekrit.com  
From: RedRidingAmy@sekrit.com 

Prof. Perrault would be very disappointed by your superficial deployment of metaphor in setting up these addresses, Max. However, I appreciate the effort, and I'm so excited that we can talk again! 

I snagged a good corner sketching portraits for the tourists. The money's surprisingly decent, which is good, given that Lucy can't hold a job to save her life (or, more importantly, to pay our bills). Julianne hopes it'll break me of over-analyzing a subject before actually trying to draw her. It. The subject. 

Things with Lucy are good, although it'll be nice when she's a little more settled. She's never been homicidal, but I was a little worried last week when she came home after the tiki bar fired her. I'm happy she stood up to that overbearing asshole who was her boss, but I did wonder if I'd have to hide the sharp objects for a bit. Finally she went off with Scud and came back much calmer. 

I think we might be getting adopted by a cat. There's this gorgeous stray (fluffy orange hair, huge green eyes) that keeps slinking around. Lucy swears that she's not slipping it fish, but somehow I suspect otherwise. 

Laters!

To:RedRidingAmy@sekrit.com  
From: MaxInBoots@sekrit.com

Ames, you were always the one to deploy metaphor and symbolism and obfuscation. I wouldn't even know what you're talking about -- I just scraped a B in our lit classes, remember?

I led another joint task force with Interpol. They're jackasses, but they have pretty neat toys, even if ours are better. And Jefferson loaned me their chemist, who had a really good time blowing things up with Ayelet. Dominique gave him a 4 out of 10 -- when I told Jefferson, he looked like Interpol's honor had been besmirched. Janet's gadgets saved the day, although I'm pretty sure I saw that design on one of the gaming books in her room. Whatever, I don't ask, the results were good.

I'm thinking about adopting a dog, but I'm not sure it would be a good idea with my hours. On the other hand, my mother keeps talking about shipping my brother out to live with me since he's going to U of C in the fall, and he could dogsit. 

(Amy, it's going to be a disaster. My mother's going to get her way because to them it makes perfect sense. Except I'm not actually a pastry chef, and fml the thought of what he's going to stumble over in my apartment, even if I sterilize it and use a different base. The mandatory security alone would blow his mind. But I can't tell them no because that would blow my cover. Why didn't training cover this?)

Lights out in 30, I need to go. 

* * *

**5\. In person**

The persistent thudding from her front door woke Max up, and she turned over back into Jefferson's side. "You get it," she said into his bicep.

He yawned. "Nope," he replied, "your house, your problem."

She poked him in the ribs in retaliation — he was trained to withstand torture, but he was still damn ticklish — before heaving herself out of bed. She threw a terrycloth robe on and grabbed her Glock while waking her laptop up. Anyone who could get through the house's three layers of security and Glinda should be friendly, but it never hurt to be careful. 

She was still surprised when the security feed showed that Amy was standing on her front porch. She couldn't be sure with the black and white footage, but she'd be willing to bet that those were Amy's favorite polka dot pajamas that Glinda was slobbering all over while leaning into Amy's hip and wagging her tail at the presence of one of her favorite people. 

Oh, hell. She shoved her Glock into her bathrobe pocket and took a deep breath to get her game face on. "It's Amy," she told Jefferson, who pulled the covers over his head in a stunning display of maturity. She resolved to make him pay later, but for now she should get to the front door before Amy bruised her fist beating on it. 

The pounding continued as Max made her way down the hall, turning some switches off, toggling other switches on, and engaging super-duper stealth privacy mode in her security system, affirming every time the system asked her to confirm the change in mode. Yes, she understood by doing so she incurred all of the risk and liability should something happen. Yes, she knew that there were two other humans and one dog on the property with her. Yes, she still wanted to engage super-duper stealth privacy mode. She was somewhere between annoyed and worried by the time she got to the front door. 

She opened the door. "Amy," she said. Her best friend didn't look very good: her ponytail was perfectly straight; her make-up was immaculate; her pajamas were ironed crisply enough that the bottoms had a sharp crease; and she was wearing her gold hoop earrings instead of the diamond studs Lucy gave her as an anniversary gift. 

Oh, double hell. Max just gotten out of a 36-hour interagency meeting, flown across a ridiculous number of timezones, and beaten Jefferson at blackjack. But Amy needed her. "Come in," Max said. She gave Glinda a good scratch before she shut the door and made a mental note to break out the dog treats in the morning. 

They made their way to the kitchen without another word. When they got there, Amy went for the milk, pan, whisk, and mugs, and Max rummaged around for the cocoa, sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon. It wasn't until they were sipping cocoa at the breakfast bar that Amy spoke up.

"She's stealing again," Amy said. 

Max blew on her cocoa. "There's no again about it, Ames. Lucy never stopped stealing."

"She did!" Amy protested. "She went straight! We were law-abiding citizens of the world."

"No," Max said, "she didn't. She's been putting things back, but she's never stopped stealing. Amy, get real, she stole the Hope diamond back when you were on your grand romantic tour."

"But—"

"No buts. Lucy Diamond is a thief."

Amy slumped down in her seat, and Max sighed. "But you love her," she said. "Now you have to figure out what you want to do about that." 

"I don't know," Amy said. "I love her, but I don't know if I can live with her, knowing that she's still stealing. She said she's like Robin Hood and just takes a tiny commission during the wealth redistribution process, and then she quoted labor theory at me."

"And you ended up in bed having great sex before waking up at 3 in the morning, fretting, and driving over," Max supplied. "Amy, she's being honest with you. The least you can do is be honest with yourself. Figure out your ethical stance, talk to her, and decide if you can live with your mutual compromises."

"What compromises?" Amy muttered.

Max rolled her eyes. "The one where she ignores the way you get crumbs everywhere when you eat a cupcake, the way you're incapable of putting dishes in the drying rack sensibly, and the way you occasionally send me information on some of her contacts who would just as soon kill you as kiss you. Wake up, buttercup, and pay attention." 

Amy shrugged, staring at the dregs of her cocoa like it would reveal the meaning of the world. "You know," she said, looking up at Max, "you're right."

"Damn straight," Max replied. "So what are you going to do about it?"

Amy grinned. "Kiss her senseless and then hash out some boundaries. We'll figure something out. And maybe get couples therapy." With her resolve face on, she slid off her stool and put her mug in the sink. Then she yawned.

"Why don't you stay in the guest room tonight," Max suggested. "You can make the drive back in the morning." 

"Thanks, Max," Amy said. She gave Max a hug and then padded into the hallway. Max heard her grabbing sheets from the linen closet and making her way to the second bedroom — Amy's room, really — that was, according to the house schematics, a storage space. What the D.E.B.S. didn't officially know wouldn't hurt any of them.

Max put her own mug in the sink — whoever got up first would deal with the dishwasher tomorrow — and made her way back to her bedroom. 

Jefferson looked up from the cocoon of blankets when she entered. "Finished arranging the love life of one of our generation's most notorious criminals?" 

"You don't have room to talk," she replied. "Amy's nowhere near the security risk of your mentor's best friend."

"No," he admitted, "but Amy Smith has never been the problem."

She put her Glock back on her nightstand and shrugged off her robe, tossing it over the footboard. "Lucy Diamond still doesn't have anything on Nate Ford." She got back into bed, pulling the covers up and stealing one of Jefferson's pillows. 

"Hey!" he protested.

She snorted. "You could have been more helpful."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, but he reached out and started stroking her back in a way that was guaranteed to send her to sleep when she was relaxed. Just before she drifted off, she heard him say, "She's lucky to have you."

"I know," Max mumbled, and she fell asleep feeling warm and content.


End file.
